Cobbler with a Broken soul.

Today marks day twenty, yes I've been counting. He's been napping in his shop, not like he spent the entire night there but after prepping everything, piles of unfinished work, he curls up resting his head on his lap, It looks like an acrobatic_yogga thingy every time I see him and gape, does he have a spine is he even normal maybe possessed. I also noticed he likes smoking so he must be warm enough to do it in this cold. I'm sure if I tried that for ten minutes my neck wouldn't even move, my feet would become numb, my bulged abdomen won't let me, let's not talk about the arms. I wonder what kind of "motivation" drives one into that. Normally he would be up, jovial and on top of his voice; "ndugu, kama bado unakimbia na gari natural usimwachilie hivo, take care of your sole mate. Kana at'hea , uliza hata Sock_rates ( with a deep Gikuyu accent).
Cleaning is his thing, the " stuck on you vibe" from the mud thanks to guys with webbed feet thinking they can duck their way through the mud brings him joy. His shop seats at the end of the mud road, so he's the lord of route eleven sleeknesses before hitting the tarmac at Seasons Kasarani. I figured maybe being busy and the cold weather kept him up. Today there's no rain, it's just a cold kick, but he's sleeping. Of course, no job but this has been a trend for a while, not the guy I've been throwing some "vipi mzee" every morning.  Maybe he's summoning his angels before his comrade budges in for a smoke and struggles updates later in the day or customers. I'll rock my leather boots tomorrow then pop in for some shinning just to engage him, cobbler to a customer then man to man.

Tow days later, sunshine finally decided to do his thing, I can now go to the office, it hasn't been a weather worth the effort for an unpaid internship.

 At the bus stop, been waiting for a good time now, thirty minutes and counting. The usual thing, when you want them the most they disappear, matatus! I'm supposed to talk to my shoe guy today and I'm thinking, should I open with a joke to ease the moment like: mzee, do you know if your nose runs and your feet smell it means you were built upside down or should I tell him about my crazy girlfriend with her forthcoming birthday  ridiculous wish, she said I should get high heels for her birthday and now I'm getting some weird looks as I walk down the street. But he's old, I doubt he'll get it, but then it's not good to criticize. Before I criticize a man I always like to walk a mile in his shoes that way when I do criticize him, I’m a mile away and I have his shoes. 

No, I'll just keep it simple, business first, little politicking then hit him with mzee skuizi unalala sana, kilakitu ikosawa? Hopefully, he'll open up, everyman does. The fact that you've noticed his is down always show you care and if he's the talking type he will drop some insight, usually to teach you through his situation because, he’s a man, he's already fighting it. 

Got my boots on but trust me, I think my ancestral lineage comes from a Bigfoot. Barely 5months and my feet are already outgrowing these boots. I'd enjoy some growth in some areas you know. Yeah, hair, hahahaa, got you right? You already thinking your crap, seek the Lord!

Eventually, a Kenya mpya came through, but I chose to stand. The only open seat had a translender lady with a cute baby boy, but I wasn't in the uncle mood this morning, got my white shirt on and my favourite khaki pant, so the usual enda uncle akubebe nope. Standing is worse but then, you get it. Few minutes I was at seasons. As the new normal, my guy was napping, tried to vipi mzee him but he was deep in it, in the usual yoga position. So I sat down a taped him.

He got up and all my lines disappeared, like those crazy pick-up lines teenagers have in their head before meeting their crush and when the time comes they forget even their hair colour, ooh boy those days anyway we all grow don't we? Mzee was up and all I came out with was simple; I need a fix. He figured  I had something else in mind, so he laid the grounds.

Mzee: long time I haven't seen you, my boy, Why do you keep a doll on your bag?

I just love it, I always carry avocado in it,so I use it to compel people to handle it gently, the curious_caution type of respect.

Mzee:hahaa, hii Watoto ya skuizi vituko mingi( that mingi with a Gikuyu accent).

I always find you napping each morning so I've never seen a motive to bother you. My paps always told me not to wake a sleeping cat, I was young, so it was literal. You got some grey hair all over your body, too hairy sir, the cat my paps talked about huh!

He didn't get it and I was struck with that, nooo I shouldn't have said that.

My son, things aren't easy, happiness is more of a hallucination nowadays. I used to create chaos to cope with change but with this advanced age, I don't even have that energy, so I prefer just to sleep for a while until a customer or a friend walks in to start the day.

I should give it to him, he sold his pains well, the noisy jovial guy. I  admired his energy and positivity, it was all a con. They always say scars are indeed a precise proof of what you've been through, but sometimes I wonder if that's the case. What if scars show who we really are, figuratively and objectively? I was here to get his side so no need to make such conclusive harsh judgments, he already got me with his pseudo happiness, so I might as well relax and give him time, all this was in my head, I missed a thing, or two he was saying. I responded with a smile and Weh, nikugumu sana daddy.

I lost my wife earlier last year to cerebral malaria, I had already lost my job some months earlier at Bata Company since I was more of in and out of hospitals with her, my employer couldn't deal with that. I was bitter at first but then it's like holding water in a fist, it's what humans are nowadays, money over life. I tried drinking to escape the pain. We had a daughter a beautiful and very intelligent one. She kept me at peace at least. I figured time will see me through, it being is a river, a circular river, one dies another good thing is born but sometimes it gives birth opening doorways that lead to more darkness.

At this instant in my head, I was like : the consistency of karma in your life is laudable sir, f**ck that bad bitch.

My mood exemplifies sacrifice, a hiatus between life and demise. I can tell you that I have seen enough this past year, I have a blueprint of what agony in this life looks like. Every single day I wake up expecting that an angel will appear with a big torch to push back the darkness, but. Maybe there's another me less broken existing somewhere  If I was ever born to see superiority in this life of mine. Maybe those days are gone and the idea that reality lies a lot in the imagination is an imagination by itself. If a man was meant to fly he would have been born with a wing, the idea that I can fly yet the means I so hidden to me is crazy.

My young girl had secured some jobs abroad and had gone back to the village to get her farewell from her granny. She was on her way to Mombasa when she died on that coast bus that plunged into the river nthi. She was all that kept me going now she was robbed from me. Her wish to set foot out of this dreadful country was cut short  my son .

It struck me that that bus had been used with the boy band sauti sol, for their live and die in Africa tour.  Orientation  to keep lives in Africa I suppose.

Ever since I'm just taking the days as they come. Dozing here does it best. It's much worse back at home. She was my rain, I was just an umbrella. it's the rain that defines the umbrella and gives it purpose. Now I'm in a desert, no signs of rainy clouds, dealing with the sand storms, waiting for the day they gonna bury me, I’m ready anyway. I spent much time with her when she was young and now at home when I close my eyes I feel her fingers tightly entwined, hands locked in mine. Her cute chuckle, screaming words I couldn't even recognize. She was different, full of life and light. Life robbed her mother first, then called her later, maybe mine is coming soon, and we go be that happy family again. I hope I'll get to make shoes up there, sandals probably for the master, I've seen in most pictures He loved them. After all, all cobblers go to heaven, they got good sole right, hahaha!

He dropped my boot on the floor as he ended his short cry. I was torn, didn't know what to say. Just a Pole mzee, Maisha ni ngumu but lazima we move one. I figured he liked reading newspapers, he had a bunch by his side. Unasoma gazeti sana mzee?

Mzee: Eeeh, hio Pesa ndo hakuna.

I promised to be bringing him copies every evening from the office after the clowns, just peeping into the politics section then stashing them in the bin, he can make good use, I'm sure he wouldn't mind reading in the evening. I was off, getting late for my desk. I promised to drop by in the evening.

That's life, people are walking zombies, zombies but of dead spirits, just dragging pieces, turning to little light they say daily. Sometimes it's good to be gentle, you never know what people are going through, give that listening ear, it might be worth more than you imagine. As Franco always says, when someone seeks your help, don't just send money, be there, your presence might be more valuable.