Sadly Happy

He's not a random guy, it’s more of a personality. There's no such thing as random anyways, your subconscious is always back there working. He's a looker, so he sees beauty, pain, and love. visual! One could say he's got a blunt heart, a mean soul, and a torturous psyche. His words will burst your heart open, then actions seal it up. He’s confusing, shy, but dominating. Not a personality for that can't be profiled, it's what you feel at first! He's an open book, but an open book that is a work of fiction. So in all mess, he turns off the lights, who sees in darkness? Synchronization isn't quite effective on his end, on full-blast tunes, images fade away. You know what you only see, just as with mad men on the streets.

She looked at his brown eyes and couldn't believe she was sinking again, trying to resist but the urge was too strong, she was a cat ready to find out more, what else will kill her if not curiosity?

Men like you cannot be trusted, She said. Deep down wishing she was wrong and he was the right one. He makes her see butterflies in a busy city but sometimes he makes her shadow drug her as she fades away.

What do you mean, men like me?

Always running away from something thinking you bettering yourselves. Men like you are trouble, beautiful sin with painful salvation. Sometimes no redemption from you. Just hooked up to cycle, your days are always numbered. Some call life with you toxic, I call it sadly happy.

He didn't blink. Held her by her shoulder, the touch she always flinched from. He had an orgasmic voice  I'll never be an open book, but with you, it's a big chapter!

He's quite a stunner anyone would say, someone must be lucky, they'll add. So all she could do was live vicariously through others,fait accompli.

He's visual, he's damn good at selling it too. He reminds me I'm beautiful all day, even when I don't feel like it, sometimes he agrees with my downs. I think there are prettier women out there you know, I don't always feel quite confident. He breaks her with a YEAH, then goes silent, then I don't know how to act next.

She doesn't know what sometimes goes on inside that glamorous light skull. He gapes at nothing, lost in a world that seems quite heavy, and sometimes he's over the skies, smiling and talking non-stop. He was straight with her. He liked her for her sense of fashion, and braided hair with a calling walking style, he told her when they met. She bought it, she understands or convinces herself that the best cons come from a point of truth. Wholly visual, so it's in him, he watches before hearing and sells the same, but here they were going separate ways. I guess when lights go off vision is impaired!

He's been dreading the feeling,  he never said it loud at least just mentioned it jokingly to her on WhatsApp chat, I wouldn't mind a lap dance you know, maybe crazy whine on a dance floor.  The lady is crazy about him, it happens always. He's a charmer, from looks and little touches! But now it's on him, he's learnt so much about himself, and the price for too much knowledge for a man sometimes makes him lonely and alienated. He questions everything, is that silicon or they are real? No, he's beyond that. It’s not a "taste", and he hasn't changed, he's growing because she still got the dreadlocks and a killer smile. He's selfish he never wanna share what's his. If he takes that smile, he wants it to be his and only his, is she's not with him, she's alone with him in mind. He isn't sure if she can do that or tame her. So he cancelled the date, he’ll never find out about lap dances, not yet at least.

Choices are sacrifices, which means giving up something you want for something you want more. Does having it all even exist? Everything changes with time, but not us, he tells himself before dozing off or stumbling on some long-ago photos that he ends up deleting, cop a plea.

We are all sons of fate, he says. Life has no manual nor seers to tell the future anymore. We live the days as they come but an unshared life is not living, he's still searching....